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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28013127">from now until beyond</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphic_commander/pseuds/sapphic_commander'>sapphic_commander</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>7x16 Fix-it, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clarke Grieving, F/F, Fix-It, Kissing, My babies are happy, One Shot, The 100 (TV) Season 7, clexa reunion, happy tears, soft lexa, the clexa endgame we deserve, this was written late at night</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:00:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28013127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphic_commander/pseuds/sapphic_commander</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke wants to grieve alone, but the Judge shows up with a gift. </p>
<p>What, or who, could it be?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clarke Griffin/Lexa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>194</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>from now until beyond</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I couldn't just accept the fact that we didn't get the real Lexa back after the season 7 finale, so here we are. </p>
<p>It's angst at first, but don't worry, there's a happy ending, I promise :)</p>
<p>Bubble Gum by Clairo slowed+reverb and Ricky Montgomery made me do this. </p>
<p>I might have teared up a little.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night, after a long day of building their shelter, of gathering supplies and food, Clarke finally mourns.</p>
<p>Her limbs feel heavy, her eyes tired, but she can’t sleep. She can hear the soft breathing of the others, a murmur every once and a while if they shift, but most of all, she can hear her loud, intrusive thoughts.</p>
<p>There’s a lump in her throat that won’t go away, and Clarke has felt tears threatening her eyes for a while now. </p>
<p>She misses Madi. </p>
<p>She wants to braid her hair again and tell her stories and draw whatever she requests. She wants to argue over who’s in charge of dinner and fish together and laugh while Madi pouts about not being allowed to drive the rover. </p>
<p>Although she’s happy that her daughter can finally be at peace, and can live without worry and fear and pain, she wants to hold her tight.</p>
<p>She wants to see her smile one last time.</p>
<p>The last memory she has of her is her hanging limply in Clarke’s arms, black blood crusting her forehead, eyes empty and glazed over. </p>
<p>Clarke knows it’s her fault. She set the worst example, that sacrifice is the only answer, that you have to put your people first.</p>
<p>And Madi paid for it. </p>
<p>A tear slips down Clarke’s cheek, and she takes a shuddering breath. Slowly, as to not wake the others, she slips out of her sleeping bag, walking over to the edge of the lake. She can see the sun coming over the horizon, the slightest bit of pink illuminating her steps, and blinks in surprise. She didn't realize she’d been up all night. </p>
<p>Clarke sits down on a log, pulling her jacket a bit tighter around her body against the slight chill. The soft lap of waves against the shore is comforting, and she finds herself getting lost in thought.</p>
<p>Not only does she miss Madi, but she misses Lexa.</p>
<p>Seeing the Judge, hearing her voice, seeing her face, it all brought back the loss as though it had happened yesterday. Clarke can still see that moment, as all the light drained from Lexa’s eyes, a ghost of a smile on her face. A trickle of blood had made it down her chin, her head had lolled to the side a bit. </p>
<p>Most vividly, she can remember the way it felt as though someone had pulled Clarke’s heart out of her chest. Although she had already been broken at the time, from Wells, Mount Weather, Finn, her father, this was a hole that could never be filled, never be ignored.</p>
<p>Over the years, she had become accustomed to the feeling. </p>
<p>Now, it feels fresh, bigger, especially after the loss of Bellamy and Abby, of Madi. </p>
<p>“You are grieving.” Clarke jumps, nearly falling over, head whipping to the side. </p>
<p>The Judge stands beside her, and Clarke clenches her jaw, hastily wiping tears from her face with the palm of her hand. </p>
<p>She looks like her, but at the same time, she is nothing like her. Clarke can tell by the way she speaks, apathetic and uncaring, something even the Commander couldn’t accomplish. She was never emotionless, maybe angry or cold, but never without something fueling her. </p>
<p>Most of all, her eyes are empty. Just like when Lexa had died. There is nothing there. </p>
<p>“Yes,” Clarke replies curtly, turning to stare out at the lake. She’s not in the mood for this.</p>
<p>“It’s peculiar. The others grieve as well, when they could have chosen transcendence. They could have chosen peace.” The Judge mirrors Clarke, gazing at the water stretching before them.</p>
<p>Clarke doesn’t know what to say to that, so she remains silent. The sky is lightening now, the sun more visible. Clarke can hear birds beginning to chirp, leaves rustling in the slight breeze as the world awakens. </p>
<p>Although Clarke wants to ignore her, the presence of the Judge weighs heavily in the air, and finally, she whips her head around. </p>
<p>“What do you want?” Clarke snaps. “Are you trying to torture me by making me look at her?” Tears well in her eyes again, and she blinks rapidly, determined not to cry in front of the Judge.</p>
<p>The Judge stares at her blankly. </p>
<p>“No,” she says simply. Clarke laughs tearfully, sucking in a breath.</p>
<p>“That’s something she would say. She was honest, straight to the point. I liked it, even if it hurt.” </p>
<p>“I am not Lexa,” The Judge replies, gaze unwavering. Clarke presses her lips together, eyes casted downwards. </p>
<p>“I know,” she says softly. “At first I hoped. I know better now. You’re nothing like her.” They lapse into silence again, and Clarke picks up a pebble to roll between her fingers. After a minute of quiet, the Judge finally speaks. </p>
<p>“You asked why I am here.” Clarke nods soundlessly, still focused on the rock. “I am here to deliver a gift.” She furrows her brow, turning to look at the Judge. </p>
<p>“A gift? I thought you wanted to condemn me for my sins.” Clarke winces once the bitter words leave her mouth, hoping the Judge doesn’t take them to heart. She doesn’t want more to be taken from her, or for her friends to get hurt. </p>
<p>Luckily, the spirit, godlike figure, whatever it is, decides to ignore the comment. </p>
<p>“Your Madi is quite persuasive.” The lump in Clarke’s throat grows, and she swallows thickly. </p>
<p>“Is she happy?” she asks, voice shaky. The Judge gives her a sideways look. </p>
<p>“Of course. We are all at peace. She is free.” Clarke nods, relief washing over her, and waits for the Judge to continue, not trusting herself to speak.</p>
<p>“She wanted to give you one last thing. Like Raven, she believes you shouldn’t be punished, that you did all of it for your people. We couldn’t allow you to transcend, with that we were firm, so we allowed one last gift. She wanted to give you something that she knew you would cherish forever. At least, until the end of your short lifespan.” </p>
<p>Clarke eyes the Judge warily. </p>
<p>“What is it?” she asks, drawing the question out cautiously. Although she trusts Madi with her life, she can’t help but be nervous. The Judge turns towards the treeline, past Clarke’s sleeping friends, who are illuminated by the rising sun. </p>
<p>A figure steps out of the shadows, and Clarke’s breath catches in her throat.</p>
<p>Her hands are folded at her waist, her wavy hair spilling past her shoulders, parts of it in small braids like always. This time, she doesn’t don battle armor or war paint. She wears casual clothing, a loose tank top, and dark jeans. She doesn’t seem to bear the weight of leadership or stress anymore.</p>
<p>The sunlight casts her face in a perfect glow, brightening it like a halo in the dark. Even from far away, Clarke immediately recognizes her full lips, sparkling green eyes, thick lashes. </p>
<p>It’s Lexa. </p>
<p>For a moment, Clarke feels hope rising in her chest, but she squashes it down forcefully, lip trembling. </p>
<p>“Don’t. Please don’t. I can’t bear it. She’s not real,” she chokes out, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. The Judge gives her a curious look. </p>
<p>“This is no joke, Clarke. She is as real as the air you breathe.” </p>
<p>Clarke shakes her head desperately, holding back tears. </p>
<p>“You’re punishing me,” she says, voice rising. “She <em> died </em>. I watched her breathe her last breath. Don’t toy with me.” Clarke sees the others stirring as she yells, but she doesn’t care, even if they wake up to her shouting at nothing. They’ve already seen her at her worst. </p>
<p>The Judge is unfazed, and she tilts her head.</p>
<p>“The small amount of her conscious in Madi’s mind was enough to bring her back. Go to her, and you will know, just as you knew I wasn’t her.” </p>
<p>Clarke doesn’t want to give in, but suddenly, without her permission, her legs are carrying her forward. She steps over her sleeping friends, and they begin to sit up. </p>
<p>“Clarke? What are you-”  Gaia begins, but she stops when she sees who Clarke is going to. Behind her, Clarke can hear them murmuring, but she doesn’t pause, fixated on her target. </p>
<p>She stops before Lexa, staring at her in bewilderment. </p>
<p>
  <em> It can’t be her.  </em>
</p>
<p>Clarke can’t seem to move, but then she sees Lexa’s face twitch with emotion. Her lips tug upward, and she blinks rapidly, her mask slipping out of place.  </p>
<p>But most of all, it’s her eyes. They’re <em> alive</em>, full of love and happiness and the fire Clarke could always remember when she thought of her long-lost love. </p>
<p>Lexa’s lips turn upwards, and she smiles softly, like sunshine on a rainy day, a hint of amusement painting her face. </p>
<p>“Clarke,” she says, voice gravelly, as if holding back tears. “Did I not tell you we would meet again?”</p>
<p>The words are so real, so <em> Lexa </em>, that Clarke crumbles. Her legs can’t seem to hold her up, and an exclamation of surprise catches in her throat. </p>
<p>Suddenly, she’s being gathered in strong arms, the scent of coal and rain and earth washing over her. Lexa lowers them to the ground together, Clarke clinging onto her like she's the one thing anchoring her to this world, to this planet.</p>
<p>Maybe she is. </p>
<p>“Please don’t leave me again,” she whispers shakily, voice so full of genuine fear she feels Lexa tense. The former commander brings her hands up to cup Clarke’s cheeks, grip firm, but gentle. Her eyes flash with a familiar, determined look. </p>
<p>“Never, my love. I’m here, I promise. I’m here now, I’m staying this time.” Lexa kisses her hair, her forehead, her cheeks, hesitantly avoiding one particular spot. </p>
<p>Clarke can’t to bring herself to  return the love, afraid this is all a hallucination, her mind or the Judge playing tricks on her. She can only stare into Lexa’s eyes, sprawled on the ground, the two of them entwined, but still somehow miles apart. </p>
<p>But she’s waited long enough. Lifetimes, it feels like. She’s already spent endless nights wishing so hard for this to be a reality that her heart felt like it had been torn from her chest. </p>
<p>She’s lost her chance before, and she’s not going to again. </p>
<p>Clarke closes the gap between them, tilting her head up and leaning forward. She’s quick enough that her own lips stifle Lexa’s gasp of surprise. As quickly as Clarke kisses her, Lexa relaxes into it. </p>
<p>It feels like fire, like an ember bursting to life in the pit of her stomach, hungry and wanting and needy. It was laying dormant until the slightest spark lit it up, and now it’s burning, licking at the base of her throat, rising higher and higher, pushing her to give passion and love and lust all at once. </p>
<p>It is ready to consume, ready to ignite. </p>
<p>They curve into each other easily, despite years of being out of practice. Clarke brings a hand to Lexa’s neck, tracing her jawline with her finger and simultaneously guiding her head to tilt it at the perfect angle. </p>
<p>Clarke has to arch her back to reach her love, and Lexa seems to notice, lowering one hand from Clarke’s cheek to place it on the small of her back, and shifting to lean down a bit more. They are able to press even closer than they already are, chests touching and bodies melding together. </p>
<p>Lexa’s position, on her knees, reminds Clarke of when she bowed before the Commander in front of her court, Lexa’s face paint and hard exterior clashing with the fondness her eyes held, fondness she tried to hide. </p>
<p>It reminds her of the intimacy of Lexa bowing before Clarke later, in private, her promise murmured in the low candlelight, their hands clasping together as Clarke helped her up. </p>
<p>The feeling in her chest as their eyes met both times, the stillness in the air as time froze.  </p>
<p>Both of them pledging themselves to the other. </p>
<p>It seems that loyalty held out, despite everything they’ve been through. </p>
<p>They have a lot to make up for, and it’s clear this is just a small way to do so . </p>
<p>Although the kiss is greedy, it is gentle and loving at the same time. It feels like Clarke is being restored with each passing moment, and although her grief is still there, it feels bearable.</p>
<p>The kiss is passionate, conveying so much love and relief Clarke feels overwhelmed.</p>
<p>The kiss is desperate, making up for lost time.</p>
<p>The kiss is <em> life </em>.</p>
<p>“I am here,” Lexa whispers, her promise so full of conviction Clarke doesn’t allow herself to doubt it for another second. Her breath is warm and scented like honeysuckle, and it stirs some of Clarke’s baby hairs that have fallen in the way. The former Commander smiles against her lips, face aglow with happiness. Clarke snuggles deeper into her arms, their foreheads brushing. “From now until beyond, my love.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My babies deserved a happy ending, so I gave it to them. My little gay heart couldn't resist. </p>
<p>I hope you enjoyed this little one shot! </p>
<p>Have a great rest of your day, drink water, eat food (I myself had a banana and Nutella while posting this), take care of yourself. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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